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Home » Featured » “The Bachelorette” Meets the Toronto Maple Leafs

“The Bachelorette” Meets the Toronto Maple Leafs

WOOOOOOOOOOO!  The 20th season of “The Bachelor” is underway which means 3 things:
1. Monday nights just got a whole lot better – 2+ hours of quality time with Bachelor Ben’s face?  Yes please.
2. Bragging rights are on the line in your Bachelor fantasy league – kind of a big deal.
3. I – a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and writer, and fan of all things Bachelor (I have no shame) – can now justify writing a Leafs article with a major Bachelor (or Bachelorette in this case) themed twist.  GENIUS, RIGHT?!

Imagine this: 20 players on the Toronto Maple Leafs… as normal guys (well, as normal as the show permits)… competing on none other than… “The Bachelorette”.  What would each suitor’s (enhanced) contestant biography look like?  What would his “occupation” be?  His limo introduction?  His most used cliché?  HOW MANY TIMES WOULD JAKE GARDINER TOUCH HIS HAIR?  Woah, sorry, got a little carried away.  Okay, now stop imagining because I have all your answers right here in this article.  Hard-hitting journalism has never been this great.

Disclaimer: For the sake of this article, the real-life relationship statuses of players are irrelevant.  Aspects of profiles were determined on the basis of any of the following: on-ice style of play, off-ice interests, personality, and in some cases, plain old gut feelings.  Nonetheless, extensive amounts of research were conducted in the form of social media stalking and “rapid fire” video watching.  Many of the profiles below have hyperlinked words (blue) which can be clicked on to view pieces of media (some may open in a new tab) that serve as evidence for the specific profiling decisions made.


Jonathan Bernier
Jonathan Bernier Bachelor
Age: 27
Hometown: Laval, QC
Occupation: Hat Model (see here, here, and here)
Limo Introduction Shtick:
quotes Nelson Mandela (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  Relive the cringe-worthy mishap here.)
Go-to Cliché: “My life is about to change, forever.”

Brad Boyes

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 33
Hometown: Mississauga, ON
Occupation: One-off Actor
Limo Introduction Shtick:
gets so caught up in the moment that he (adorably) forgets everything he had planned to say
Go-to Cliché:
“I’ve never felt like this before.”

Tyler Bozak

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 29
Hometown:
Regina, SK
Occupation:
Lead Singer of a “One Direction” wannabe boyband
Limo Introduction Shtick:
exits the vehicle with an entourage of screaming teenage girls and then proceeds to serenade the Bachelorette
Go-to Cliché:
“It’s hard not to have my guard up.” (and by that he’s referring to his bodyguard escort)

Frank Corrado

(Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images)
(Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images)

Age: 22
Hometown: Toronto, ON
Occupation: Concert Goer
Limo Introduction Shtick:
offers to tell the Bachelorette her fortune by reading her palm lines (he can predict the future, see here
Go-to Cliché:
“I see myself with this girl.”

Jake Gardiner

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 25
Hometown:
Minnetonka, MN
Occupation:
Professional Instagrammer
Limo Introduction Shtick:
brings a selfie stick and asks to have a mini “selfie shoot” with the Bachelorette 
Go-to Cliché:
“I’m excited for this journey.”

Michael Grabner

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 28
Hometown: Villach, AUT
Occupation: Tattoo Enthusiast
Limo Introduction Shtick:
brings 2 bottles of beer: one for himself and one for the Bachelorette (he’s from Austria
Go-to Cliché:
“There’s something I need to tell her.”

Peter Holland

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 25
Hometown: Toronto, ON
Occupation: CEO of a Non-Profit Children’s Health Organization 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
tells an adorably corny joke
Go-to Cliché:
“I’m falling for you.”

Matt Hunwick

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 30
Hometown: Warren, MI
Occupation: University Professor
Limo Introduction Shtick: kisses the Bachelorette’s hand like the gentleman that he is
Go-to Cliché:
“I was so skeptical coming into this.”

Nazem Kadri

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 25
Hometown:
London, ON
Occupation:
Professional Stuntman (he can flop with the best of them) 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
attempts to rap 20 seconds worth of a Drake love song while rocking a pair of massive sunglasses 
Go-to Cliché:
“Can I steal you for a second?”

Leo Komarov

 (Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 28
Hometown:
Narva, EST
Occupation:
Professional Beauty 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
“woos” the Bachelorette by speaking in 4 different languages
Go-to Cliché:
“I’m here for the right reasons.”
* I know it goes against “The Bachelorette” contestant profile rules, but the video below – which I cannot believe I’ve yet to discover until now (it’s from 2014) – is far too golden to omit from this profile.  The number of times I’ve replayed the clip is not only embarrassing, but borderline unhealthy.  Leo truly is a beauty.  Enjoy the best 31 seconds you’ll spend today:

Joffrey Lupul

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 32
Hometown: Fort Saskatchewan, AB
Occupation: Fashion Connoisseur/Model 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
N/A – simply impresses with his “smize” (smiling with his eyes)  
Go-to Cliché:
“I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with someone.” (he’s obviously got the job for “next Bachelor” in the bag)

Shawn Matthias

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 27
Hometown: Mississauga, ON
Occupation: Guitarist (Jimmy Page 2.0) 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
skydives out of a small airplane that carries a banner reading “You look beautiful, (insert name of Bachelorette here)!”
Go-to Cliché:
“She needs to know what he did.”

Pierre-Alexandre Parenteau

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 32
Hometown: Hull, QC
Occupation: Love Child of Bradley Cooper and Adele 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
pulls up to the Bachelor mansion in a Ferrari, checks himself out in the rear view mirror while caressing his hair, then exits the vehicle to greet the Bachelorette
Go-to Cliché:
“I can’t believe we’re in (insert exotic destination here)! It’s the perfect place to fall in love.”

Dion Phaneuf

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 30
Hometown: Edmonton, AB
Occupation: Meme Character (his face has always been very expressive)
Limo Introduction Shtick:
2 words: six pack (the abdominal muscles kind, not relating to beer)
Go-to Cliché:
“I’m not here to make friends.”

Roman Polak

 (Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 29
Hometown: Ostrava, CZE
Occupation: Facial Hair Expert  
Limo Introduction Shtick:
appears in an Ironman suit and calls himself the Bachelorette’s “knight in shining armour” 
Go-to Cliché:
“I didn’t expect it to be this hard.”

James Reimer

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 27
Hometown:
Morweena, MB
Occupation:
Professional Optimist/Dental Hygienist (there’s always 1)
Limo Introduction Shtick:
excitedly blurts out “I’m a hugger!” while blinding the Bachelorette with his pearly whites
Go-to Cliché: “I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”

Morgan Rielly

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 21
Hometown:
Vancouver, BC
Occupation:
Juggler (see here and here
Limo Introduction Shtick:
on his jetpack, flies himself down into the arms of the Bachelorette
Go-to Cliché:
“She’s worth fighting for.”

Nick Spaling

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 27
Hometown: Palmerston, ON
Occupation: Super Mario 3 Champion 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
tells the Bachelorette “I’m so happy it’s you!” at least 3 times
Go-to Cliché:
“I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

James van Riemsdyk

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 26
Hometown: Middletown, NJ
Occupation: Life Coach
Limo Introduction Shtick:
brings a gumball machine and challenges the Bachelorette to a chewing contest 
Go-to Cliché:
“She’s everything I hoped she would be, and more.”

Daniel Winnik

(Graig Abel/Getty Images)
(Graig Abel/Getty Images)

Age: 30
Hometown: Toronto, ON
Occupation: Dog Lover 
Limo Introduction Shtick:
gives the Bachelorette a temporary pawprint tattoo and caps off the move by saying “I’m pawsitive this is going to work out.” (he’s a punny guy – see here and here)
Go-to Cliché:
“I’m excited to get to know her.”

If this season were to actually transpire, I assure you that it would be “the most dramatic” in the history of “The Bachelorette”.

Vanessa Kezwer

Vanessa Kezwer

My name is Vanessa... and I'm a hockeyaholic. I'm a Sport Media student at Ryerson University who simply loves sports. I've played hockey for 12 years but now prefer to assume spectating responsibilities as a loyal fan of the San Jose Sharks and Toronto Maple Leafs. Thus, witnessing historic collapses is sadly nothing new to me. Fun fact: I've had a slight obsession with ex-NHLer Bryan McCabe ever since I was 7.
Vanessa Kezwer

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1 comments
1mapleleaffan
1mapleleaffan

I love hockey I feel it is the better sport than any other sport out there. The game is so much more interesting than any other sport. My husband and I are huge Maple Leafs fans. We watch as many games as we can. But we live in the US so we had to get Center Ice to be able to watch any of the games since US tv does not air many of the games. I wish the Maple leafs' team good  luck! I hope some day we get to  come up to Canada and see you all play!