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MISSING: Toronto Maple Leafs

A missing person alert has been issued in Southern Ontario.

Search and rescue is underway, looking for a missing 98-year-old team.

The team was last seen December 16, 2014, in the vicinity of the Air Canada Centre in Downtown Toronto, spotting a winning record, a blue and white sweater, blue shorts, and a blue helmet; while some people have reported seeing them since, the last occurrence of a sighting was reported on January 9th, 2015 at the same locale. Some reports allege that the missing team was talking of a trip to California, though a cross-jurisdiction investigation reveals that no authorities have seen them entering California.

If found, please contact General Manager Dave Nonis.

Team is known to respond to “Leafs,” “Maple Leafs,” “buds,” and occasionally is seen answering to “St. Pats.” If spotted, approach with caution, as the team is allegedly belligerent, pugnacious, and truculent, ranting about the glory days back in the ’60s.

Pedro Rengel

Pedro Rengel

Originally hailing from the tropical paradise of Venezuela, I moved to Canada at age 11 for the sole reason of falling in love with hockey as a self-proclaimed Pittsburgh Penguins fan. Now a Canadian citizen, my mad love affair with hockey represents a statistical contribution as opposed to an anomaly. Being able to write this well despite having Spanish as a first language is enough of an anomaly (I'm occasionally biased).
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