NOTE: This article was written in collaboration by Brendon Carlton and Megan Muise. Megan wrote the intro and all player/character descriptions from Zdeno Chara to TJ Oshie. Brendon made the photos and wrote from Jamie Benn to Tyler Seguin.
Boom! Kupow! Screeeech!
We all have our own favorite superheroes, from Iron man and Captain America to Batman and the rest of the Justice League. Even if you say you don’t like superheroes, you do. Don’t lie.
And just like favorite superheroes, hockey fans all have our number one guy; the biggest, best, nearly untouchable player who we completely faun over in the league. Those who say our heroes “suck” best beware a powerful, unrivaled wrath, and may Lord Stanley be with them.
Have you ever marveled at the thought of your favorite players in the comic book universe? Who would be wearing tights and a cape shooting laser beams from their eyes and who would be wreaking havoc on some ridiculous, bad-luck town named Gotham? Well, maybe not you specifically; but we have, and you can bet we had fun with this one.
Here are 30 Fan Favorites from across the league as superheroes (and villains) – Buckle in:
Groot; Guardians of the Galaxy
Chara; Nosferatu-twin, taller than half the trees in the Redwood Forest, Captain of the Boston Bruins has claimed the highest ranking in the new Marvel Universe as the gentle bad-ass Groot. Imagine if you will: Groot-Chara rushing down the ice, his twigs majestically flowing in the icy breeze with a puck on his arm – to which he made into a make-shift hockey stick – stopping in front of the opposing net, rocking his head back and screaming “I. AM. GROOOOOOT” before taking a slap shot and tearing a hole through the back of the net. It’s beautiful, we know. Groot-Chara leaning down and plucking a small, yellow flower from his shoulder before handing it to the unconscious player he just beat into a pulp but feeling really bad about it, tucking the tiny stem into the top of their helmet to help them feel better as a weird sort of peace offering. Oh the feels.
Iron Man; Iron Man, The Avengers
Genuis, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist. Just think about it, ladies: This second-line center for the B’s snatching you out of thin air from a plane explosion, setting you down on your feet, and opening the helmet to show you that fine piece of man behind it, Playoff Beard and all. It’s not hard picturing this Canadian dreamboat with a fresh pair of aviators and the iconic arc-reactor glowing faintly through his thin, black, v-neck. How do you say, “swag”?
The Penguin; Batman
How absolutely perfect is this one? Sit back for a minute and just let the image of Crosby’s head on top of a rollie-pollie-ollie bad guy with flippers for hands, slinking around his underground lair with Penguin-Malkin swimming around and following him everywhere. Pale white, mangy salt-and-pepper hair, socially awkward (that doesn’t change). Oh. And how could we forget? He hisses at bright lights. It would be so easy for him to just slide down the ice on his big belly to get the puck in the net, taking everyone else out from under their feet along the way, cooing at the rest of his penguin babies to assemble and destroy Batman. Seems like someone isn’t quite over the Boston Bruins sweeping them in the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs… “My name is not Sidney! It’s Penguin! I am not a human being. I am an animal! Cold-blooded!”
Deadpool; Deadpool, The X-Men
Sassy, reckless, little fireball of hate. Kaner and all his antics would bear the red and black suit with pride; Not only saving the day, but leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. The words, “Oops,” “Sorry,” “My bad,” and “Shit,” fall from his lips more often than not. But I mean, come on. Sometimes you have to get your hands a little dirty to get the job done and get it done right. It’s not difficult to picture him hanging out at the top of the Empire State Building doing the signature Kaner Shuffle with smoke from him “saving the day” billowing in the background. The best anti-hero there ever was.
It’s the sideburns. It will always be the sideburns. Quiet, awkward, and just minor scardey-cat tendencies off the ice (never forget the pigeons). But when those skates hit the ice, buckle up. The rink is no-man’s land, and Tazer is out for blood. A naturally born leader who likes to play off the whole “lone wolf” gig – as if we’d buy it. The guy who repeatedly tries to keep our own Deadpool out of trouble as much as he can. Best friends make the best worst enemies, after all: “No! Stop! You cannot set their locker room on fire because we lost!”
The Human Torch; Fantastic 4
Gabe the Babe is hot. Literally. After a freak accident during training camp, this young captain of the Colorado Avalanche may have a slight problem. But honestly, how can bursting into flames at any point you deem fit really be that much of a problem? Hell! You can literally have s’mores whenever you want. That’s more of a possible solution to world peace, if you ask us. Step on up, ladies. Landy over here is more than willing to light up not only your heart, but the goal light as he tears up the ice. Quite literally. Swiggity swooty, he’s comin’ for dat booty.
Batman; Batman, The Justice League
Tall. Dark. Handsome. And oh, so very mysterious. Gotham’s billionaire has his mind set to seeking out and destroying all evil. What better way to use your billions upon billions of dollars than to buy a military-grade Batmobile and run over every cop car in sight? Shopping for cardigans by day, stopping The Penguin’s attempts at the Stanley Cup by night. Just seeing him stroll into the most expensive restaurant in the tri-state area (that he owns, mind you) with not one, not two, but three girls draped over him like a playboy blanket is enough to leave you simply shaking your head and slow clapping at his undeniable skills. Bravo, Mr. Wayne.
Dr. Doom; Fantastic 4
Everyone’s favorite villain. Not only is he the doom of New York City, he’s the doom of everyone who gets in his way on the ice. Don’t be surprised to see him build up a shield in front of his goal every time someone takes a shot just to piss them off or call on hoards of demons to attack the ref for sending him to the penalty box. Can you say “temper tantrum”?
Loki; Thor, The Avengers
Oh, Bobby Lu. You’ve got the nose – and the hair – to match this tricky little demi-god. Adopted brother of Thor (we’ll get to that one, soon) Luongo likes to make people think that he loses. But in all actuality? He’s really just planning his wrath that will soon be released upon you after careful planning and manipulation. Goalie gear? Who needs it. This guy can stop the puck merely with the golden horns placed on his perfectly gelled-back midnight black hair. “You can’t get this puck by me you MUELING QUIM.”
Thor; Thor, The Avengers
Beach blonde hair and big baby blues. Eddie is enough to make the ladies swoon. Just give him Mjolnir (OH WAIT YOU CAN’T), a cape, his own version of a metal corset, and you’ve got yourself a superhero. Basically, if anyone pisses him off he just throws the hammer and you’re done for. Just ask Lu–he probably knows better than anyone. You might have to teach him what it’s like to live over in Canada. Such as: You cannot have Swedish meatballs for dinner every night and no, the zombies in The Walking Dead are not real so there’s no need to lightning strike your television in fear. Toto, we’re not in Sweden anymore…
Jack Jack; The Incredibles
This sweet little ginger seems completely harmless when smiling in the camera and speaking to the press, but once he gets on the ice you better watch the hell out. It’s do or die. Douglas will giggle as he slams you into the boards, have his blanket in tow as he races down the ice with fire flying behind him to keep all the haters back, and throw his bottle at your head if you do something he doesn’t like (such as touching his goalie). Just ask Adam McQuaid, Dougie’s personal babysitter. The poor guy has to make Dougie a grilled cheese every time he throws a temper tantrum by forgetting to put on Blue’s Clues. The struggle.
Hawkeye; The Avengers
You should be afraid. Very afraid. This guy can get a puck in the net from at least a mile away. Quick on his feet with frightening accuracy skills with a bit of a wild side. Natty can be somewhat of a trouble maker, but that’s sort of his job. He absolutely slays when it comes to shoot outs and can make a slap shot without even looking. Oh? Is the back of the net smoking from where the puck went through? Whoops. Sorry, not sorry.
Do we really have to spell this one out for you? Andrew Ference is the embodiment of “going green”. Drop a Styrofoam cup on the ground? He slap shots it into the trash. He will run you into a wall before you can even forget to put your soda can in the recycling bin. He is on a never-ending journey to stop pollution (not just of our planet, but of the NHL). The Penguin better watch out. Our suggestion? If you live in or near the Edmonton area: Do. Not. Litter.
Rocket Raccoon; Guardians of the Galaxy
Cute, fluffy, and basically rabid. This guy may be small, but he’s clever as all hell and completely relentless when he has his mind set to a task. He may or may not tell you that he requires a prosthetic leg in order to get the perfect shot at the net, but we assure you, he’s lying. He just thinks it’s “hilarious”. But hey, at least he knows how to break out of the penalty box with minor casualties. Gally may have a short fuse for a temper and loves to piss you off at the worst possible times, but when it comes down to it this little guy has got your back until the end of time (even if you only have 11% of a plan). Hell. He’ll run his plan into the side of an inter-galactic war lord’s spaceship for you. That’s love.
Captain America; The First Avenger, The Avengers
Who’s strong and brave here to save the American Way? Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day?
If we were you, and we saw this guy coming down the ice with shield in tow, we would probably step aside and let the man do his job. You don’t want to be in the way of that, son. Oshie is an all-around good guy with a heart of gold and an undying love for his country. You can always count on him to swoop in last minute to save the day by stopping an entire sub-party of Canadians *cough* The Canadian Olympic Hockey Team *cough*cough* (even if we lost, he gave it his all) and still get your pop-culture reference to The Wizard of Oz.
The Star-Spangled Man with a plan!
Spider-Man; The Amazing Spider-Man, The Avengers
If you were to run into Jamie Benn on the street, you’d probably not even notice him. Strong silent type, socially awkward, soft-spoken, and just a little bit nerdy, but when the time comes for Benner to get down to business he can be quite the opposite. When Jamie Benn steps on the ice he turns into a whole new person, taking charge and doing whatever needs to be done to get the job done. His shyness disappears and he can lead anyone with no problem.
If that all sounds familiar then that’s because it’s practically a description for your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Jamie is the perfect embodiment of both Peter Parker and his alter ego, which made him a no brainer for Spidey when we compiled our super-list.
Egghead; Batman (TV Series)
Weeeell… This one is a bit mean. But let’s be honest here, Taylor Hall has a bit of an egg-shaped cranium that, if shaved bald, would give him the look of an evil genius with an affinity for egg puns.
Bane; Batman: Vengeance of Bane
Strong, focused, and a guy who doesn’t give up. These are all words that could be used to describe both Steven Stamkos as well as Bane. Although Stamkos is a well-liked player in the NHL, when he attempted to get up multiple times after he broke his leg, then returned later that season, it showed the world that Stamkos was one tough guy and not one to be messed with.
Stamkos will break you.
The Joker; Batman
Steve Ott is the type of player that you absolutely don’t want to play against, but wouldn’t mind if he was on your team. He’ll get up in your face and just annoy you the entire game. And don’t even think about getting on his bad side. If Steve decides to single you out, then you’re in for hell. He’s always got tricks up his sleeve and looks to do evil on the ice and get a laugh out of it as well, making him the perfect choice for the Joker.
Steve just wants to introduce a little anarchy to the game!
Martin St. Louis
Superman; Superman, The Justice League
St. Louis is the all-around super player, zooming up and down the ice and fearlessly leading his team to victory. He’ll do whatever he needs to help his team win and, despite his small stature, he’s incredibly strong. Strong is a bit of an understatement, THIS GUY IS RIPPED.
To put it simply, Marty St. Louis is a great guy and great player. The ideal for your team and someone who can lead you to victory with no problem.
Hulk; The Incredible Hulk, The Avengers
It really doesn’t get more obvious than this. Torts get so mad at times that I’m just waiting for him to start turning green and tearing the place apart. Did you get that, Brooksy?
The Riddler; Batman
Sure, Sean Avery doesn’t play anymore (LUCKILY), but his presence is still felt. There is probably no player more annoying in the entire history of the NHL than Sean Avery. This guy seemed to always have a clever scheme up his sleeve when he suited up for a game and spent more time focused on confusing, annoying, and just plain pissing off his opponents than he actually spent focused on the game. Avery is the type of guy that you either avoided or tried your hardest to bash his skull in for the anger and headache he caused.
The Flash; Flash, The Justice League
Not only is his name Quick, but so is his play. Jonathan Quick is only 28 years old, but he’s already won two Stanley Cups, a Jennings Trophy, a Conn Smythe, and was a netminder for Team USA in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. You don’t achieve those kinds of honors from being slow. This guy can block even the fastest of slapshots with super speed and recover from a shot to stop the rebound shot.
This guy is fast.
Professor Charles Xavier; The X-Men
Bald, powerful, intelligent, did I mention bald?
Ryan Getzlaf is a great choice of Professor X, leader of the X-Men. Although he doesn’t look like much, Getzlaf is probably the most powerful member of his team and will show it if he has to. He’s taken some nasty hits and injuries, including a puck to the face in last year’s playoffs, but he doesn’t let things like that hold him back, always looking to be a leader for his team. Not only does he work with his team, but he’ll also offer plenty of guidance to the younger members that aren’t quite sure of how to properly hone their skills on their own.
Agent Orange (AKA Larfleeze); Green Lantern
This is another one that is mainly influenced by the player’s looks. Cody Eakin, also known as the “Ginja Ninja”, “Speeding Tomato”, “Pumpkin Patch”, and, of cours, “Agent Orange”. If you still don’t get it, just take a look at Cody’s head.
Green Goblin; Spider-Man
Let’s not beat around the bush here, Logan Couture looks like a goblin, and can play like it at times as well.
Colossus; The X-Men
Standing at 6′ 4”, Jordan Staal is huge and has a huge presence on the ice as well. He’s probably the strongest player on his team and a guy you don’t want to mess with, making him the perfect choice for Colossus. You can always count on Jordan Staal to take care of business.
Don’t be surprised if Staal channels Piotr Rasputin and takes a metallic form to send a puck at the net faster than you can see.
Daniel and Henrik Sedin
The Wonder Twins; Super Friends, The Justice League, Teen Titans, Smallville
For those unfamiliar with the Wonder Twins, they’re an extraterrestrial set of twins that have the power to shapeshift. Sure, we’d have to change the gender of one of the twins, but the Sedins are a shoe in for the Wonder Twins.
While they’re great individually, it seems as if they’d be nothing without each other. They’ve played with many others, but have always been together no matter what. As twins, they know each other better than anyone and can practically read each other’s minds and form an (almost) unstoppable team.
Magneto; The X-Men
This guy is an interesting one for sure. At times you don’t quite know whether you should like him or dislike him and it seems as if he can control the puck from a distance, manipulating it how he pleases and doing so to block the puck.
Daredevil; Daredevil, The New Avengers
Mysterious, talented, attractive, and seemingly heightened senses on the ice. These are all qualities possessed by Tyler Seguin of the Dallas Stars. While his father wasn’t killed by gangsters, he plays with a passion and intensity as if playing hockey were going to help him avenge his father.
Seguin plays hockey as if it were second nature and has no problem making his way to the net and putting the puck past the goalie.